


Remains of Hope

by fivefootnothing



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-25
Updated: 2010-09-25
Packaged: 2017-10-23 19:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/254176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fivefootnothing/pseuds/fivefootnothing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of war, Peri deals with her conflicting emotions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remains of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Written as an epilogue to the Telos novella, Blood and Hope. Contains major spoilers (including mention of character death) from the story.

Turn left. All the directions Peri needed to get back to the control room. Just keep turning left and she’d find the Doctor.

Perfect.

His coat hung off one of the pegs on that ubiquitous hatstand next to the entrance. The Doctor himself sat adjacent to the console, his arm elbow-deep in the console as he wrestled with some stubborn TARDIS component which refused to loosen itself from its spot. His other arm held firm against the outside panel as he struggled, his legs flailing and his trainers skidding against the floor.

And was that a bead of sweat trickling down the side of his face?

Despite his preoccupation with TARDIS repair, he glanced up at Peri, offering her an awkward grin.

“Peri! Thoughts all sorted out, are they?”

She stared at her hand, at the mirror-smooth, angular object she toted in her palm. It reminded her a little of the Everlasting Gobstopper in the Willy Wonka movie: multi-coloured and covered all in corners every which way you looked at it. “Y-yeah, er, I mean...I have the memory crystal. The machine spit it out just like you said. I must’ve talked for hours in there.”

“Yes, but do you feel better?”

“I dunno, Doctor. It’s just...I know you thought going to Paul and Abby’s wedding should’ve helped. Seeing Paul all gussied up at the ceremony should’ve helped. I mean, he looked _happy_ , y’know? Surviving a war and marrying the girl you love? What could be more perfect than that? And the reception afterwards? I’ve never seen you dance so--”

“Ah, if I may interrupt, Peri?” the Doctor said through gritted teeth. “I’m rather busy at the moment, so if you’ve a point, then I’d prefer that you reach it _tout de suite_ , or at least before I lose my concentration and the coupling for the molecular stabilizers decides to champ off my fingertips.” Another awkward grin, this time tinged with a bit of frustration.

Peri crouched next to the Doctor, holding the crystal out in front of him as she watched it pulse and flare to some unheard rhythm. Maybe, and Peri wasn’t sure, but maybe the thing was blinking to the beat of the TARDIS’s engine itself. “I just wanna know what I should do with this now that I’ve confessed my deepest, darkest secrets into it.”

“Whatever you like. Keep it in your pocket. Store it in the TARDIS. Slip it beneath your pillow. Lob it into the Vortex if that’s what it will take.”

She frowned. “Take?”

“For you to make peace with what happened with Colonel Eustace.”

“I...I killed him, Doctor. That’s...I can’t change that. Erimem’s tried to make it sound like it’s not a huge deal. But it is to me.”

The Doctor nodded, jaw setting as he continued to fight with the willful component. “Oh, as it ought. Erimem was raised knowing that she would someday lead armies to battle. You were raised knowing that--”

“--that I’d never have to know what it’s like to kill somebody because humanity’s grown out of using violence to solve petty problems.” Peri chuckled wanly. “I guess I ought to stop wearing blinders, right? This is life. I have to learn that life is harsh sometimes.”

“No, that’s not the point. You’re still bothered by Eustace’s death. I don’t think you ought to _stop_ allowing it to affect you. Life is precious, and when a life is lost, one _should_ mourn.”

“Even if he’s a shoddy lowlife who beat his subordinates and killed for fun?”

“Even then.”

“Even though he was a no-good racist who was gonna kill my best friend if I didn’t stop him?”

“Peri...”

“It’s heavy, Doctor. The crystal. My words. Everything I said in the Memory Room is in this crystal. I know how it works. I know that my voice was electronically transcribed into this thing and there shouldn’t be any more weight to it now versus when I first started with the diary but...it’s heavy.”

“Then you ought to lob it into the Time Vortex.”

“Better a star, Doctor. I wanna toss it into a star and watch it burn up.”

“Spica isn’t too far from our coordinates. Brightest star in Virgo. Or ‘stars’, I should say. It’s a binary system, the two celestial bodies orbit so close to each other that they’re observed as a single star through all but the most powerful of telescopes.”

“I don’t need the astronomy lesson.”

“We could take the opportunity to brush up on your bowling. How would you like to learn the perfect wrist technique for a leggie?”

“Or the cricket lesson. God, Doctor, does everything have to be about science and sport?”

He blinked, expression innocent. “What else is there?”

“You’re impossible, Doctor! You’re so smart...I don’t suppose you know a good chocolate chip cookie recipe?”

“As a matter of fact--”

“Oh, of course you do. Forget I asked. No, wait. Don’t forget I asked. After getting rid of the crystal, can we bake cookies? I don’t think Erimem’s ever had a chocolate chip cookie and I really need something sweet after all this.”

“By all means. My mind’s in possession of the finest cookie recipe in the universe and I’m more than willing to share it. Only...”

“...only?”

“Only I’d prefer to have all ten fingers at my disposal when I do. So if you could...ah...help me withdraw my arm from the console?”

Peri chuckled again, slipping the memory crystal in her pocket before wrapping both hands around the Doctor’s arm and starting to pull. This was ridiculous; _he_ , the Doctor, was ridiculous.

But then, he’d lived a lot longer than Peri, experienced so much more than her and however much Eustace’s death affected her, she couldn’t imagine a life like the Doctor’s. How many more deaths had he been responsible for over his lifetime, his travels? How could that not disturb him?

Maybe she needed to do what the Doctor did. Focus on the little things that make up a life. All the silly, stupid, inane, frustrating stuff. All the science and the history and the TARDIS mending and the cricket statistics which seemed to make him so terribly happy (and which Peri found devastatingly boring). She needed something to ground her, to remind her that sometimes bad stuff happens, and that it’s all okay because good stuff was gonna happen too.

The Doctor seemed to have discovered that balance, and all Peri could hope for was some semblance of the same.

“Doctor, are you just holding on to the coupling? Is that why you’re stuck?”

“Ah. That would explain my predicament, yes.” Slowly, steadily, he slipped his arm free of the console.

“You’re such a pain.” Oh, she hated him! But he was still kind of cute, even if he was an alien and she didn’t really ‘get’ him three-quarters of the time. He was...complicated.

“Spica it is!” he exclaimed, hopping to his feet and not appearing to hear Peri’s complaint as he set in the correct coordinates. “Do fetch Erimem as well, please. She ought to be present for the ceremonial chucking, don’t you think?”

“Definitely. Thanks, Doctor.” But she knew he was already too far lost in thought to hear her, absently scratching his head and mumbling to himself, using percussive maintenance to thump the TARDIS into working. He already covered up that potentially embarrassing misstep with the coupling by focusing on other things.

Diversions. Deflections. That was everything the Doctor was. He dodged everything. His home planet. His real name. It worked out pretty well for him, and maybe it’ll work just as well for her.

Peri just needed to learn from the best.


End file.
